a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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