i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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