3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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