you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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