My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
