Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
