guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
