Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
