I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
