Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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