Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
