I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
