everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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