I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
