I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
