We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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