My sheets look like a crime scene.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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