I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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