he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
