I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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