All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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