wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
