Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
