I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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