when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Enjoy the penises
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
