i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
