P.S. I can't hear my feet
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
