Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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