Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
