I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
you made out with another girl for some wings
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
