I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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