Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
