i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
