had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
