Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
