just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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