girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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