Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
