end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
