no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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