I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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