I just pynch a tree in the face
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
