It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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