Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
