Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
