If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
