Me too!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
