I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
