bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
