the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
